Sleep Training or Lack Thereof...

For the last week, Maddy has been having a rough time at nights. He was waking up almost every hour and wanting to nurse. And he only wanted to sleep in our bed. I finally got him to spread out his feedings but he has been screaming the second I lay him down in his own bed. So I decided to try the Cry It Out Method again but in intervals. It was really, really hard last night. I felt like a horrible mother. His capacity for crying has increased and he can cry louder and longer. I’m debating as to whether or not I should keep this up. I just feel so bad. He cried so much Saturday night that he was exhausted Sunday and slept for most of the day. And again last night- he is taking a really long nap right now probably trying to recover. I can’t help but think that he’s just a baby and wants to be near his mom and dad and feel our warmth and love. I think if he cries tonight, I will hold him and let him sleep with me. I love him so much and it breaks my heart to not be able to comfort him when he might be scared. I have been researching it online and there are lots of articles on both ends of the spectrum- those who say just let him cry and those who say he’ll grow out of it on his own. We’ll see what happens tonight but I set a goal when I became a mother: I never want Maddy to doubt my love for him. I want him to feel loved every second of every day. No matter what. And he is getting to an age where he is starting to understand that I am leaving the room and not there anymore. And he remembers things. I know that he still loves me and he is happy to see me in the mornings but I don’t want to take advantage of his innocence. One article I read said that I can’t just decide to stop being a mom at night because I want to sleep. And I agree. It made me realize how selfish I have been. If Maddy wants to nurse every hour then that’s what he needs and I should allow him to. I am his caretaker and this may be my only opportunity to nurse and raise my own baby. I want to value every moment I have with him. I think writing this has made me realize that I need to be more patient and less selfish.

Sweet Toothe

Maddy has gotten so much better at eating solids.  He loves his baby food now and can eat a 3 oz container in one sitting and still want more.  His favorite is Pears w/Cinnamon and Oatmeal.  He also likes his oatmeal cereal with apple juice and Peach Cobbler baby food and applesauce.  I have been giving him bites of my food and let him try carrots and chicken last night.  He seemed to like it. Maddy definitely prefers the sweet stuff and still has not acquired a taste for salt or non-sweet foods. And of course he loves ice cream! And anything sweet. He loves smoothies and always tries to drink out of my water bottle. He wants whatever Mommy and Daddy have.

San Diego

Maddy got to visit his grandparents in San Diego and had a great time. He met his Grandpa and his uncles and was such a good boy. He loves being around people and doesn’t seem to have “stranger danger.” He only fusses when he thinks he’s alone or when I leave the room. While in San Diego, we went for a walk at La Jolla Cove and went to the aquarium. He loved looking at the fish and the backlighted tanks. Maddox also got to try some new foods. Grandma fed him Rice Krispies and he seemed to like them. Maddy is still learning how to sit up on his own without falling over. I felt so bad because I was taking a picture of him and he leaned forward and hit his head on the ground. He cried and had a little red mark on his forehead. After that, we started putting pillows all around him to protect him from the hard floors. He was so happy and friendly and I was so glad my brothers and parents got to spend time with him. It was a lot of fun!

At Last

During my drive to AZ, I listened to the lyrics of this song and I loved it. It totally describes how I feel about Maddy. It's from the Disney movie Tangled: "All those days watching from the windows All those years outside looking in All that time never even knowing Just how blind I've been Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight Now I'm here, suddenly I see Standing here, it's all so clear I'm where I'm meant to be And at last I see the light And it's like the fog has lifted And at last I see the light And it's like the sky is new And it's warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted All at once everything looks different Now that I see you All those days chasing down a daydream All those years living in a blur All that time never truly seeing Things, the way they were Now he's here shining in the starlight Now he's here, suddenly I know If he's here it's crystal clear I'm where I'm meant to go And at last I see the light And it's like the fog is lifted And at last I see the light And it's like the sky is new And it's warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted All at once, everything is different Now that I see you, Now that I see you!"

6 months old

Maddox weighs almost 20 lbs. At the doctor’s office, he only weighed 18 something but the day before Allan had weighed him and he weighed exactly 20 lbs. Even at 18 something, he is 75th percentile in weight. He measures 28.25" and is 97th percentile in height. He is a big boy! His car seat is getting heavier and he seems to be outgrowing it already. Maddox has been developing so fast in so many ways. He can grab for things and now “wants” things like my water bottle, my face, my hair, and pretty much anything within reach. He can sit up by himself occasionally falling over as he reaches for his toys and he scoots and rolls. He loves his bath time and has learned how to splash. Maddy has been sick over the last couple of weeks, so I have let him take showers with me so that the steam can help his congestion. It really seems to relax him and he just lets me hold me. It is such a precious moment with him. He is so calm and just looks up at me while I hold him. I get so emotional thinking of him not being a little baby anymore. He just grows too fast. He also got his first teeth in. One popped up and I didn’t even notice until I felt it in his mouth and then looked and saw it poking through. Then a week later, I noticed a second one coming through right next to it. He is such a good baby that I didn’t even realize he was teething. He didn’t seem to be extra fussy or anything. He still loves putting everything in his mouth. His favorite thing to do recently is pull off his socks and hold his feet. He tries to put them in his mouth but he is getting bigger and a little less flexible. Maddy loves looking in the mirror and smiling at himself and at me. As for his sleeping habits, he is still waking up to eat every 3 hours and has been sleeping a lot more with Mommy and Daddy just because I’ve been getting lazy and needing more sleep. As for eating, he is doing great with solids. He loves apple juice and apple sauce. For some reason, he doesn’t seem to like bananas as much. Anyway, eating solids definitely has not decreased his appetite for nursing. He still is a big eater! I just can't believe Maddox is already 6 months old. It has gone by so fast. I can't imagine life without him. He is so special and I am so thankful for him.

A New Home in Arizona

Allan finally got a job! So we moved back to Arizona. Maddy was so good during the drive. He is such a good boy. We split up the drive as much as we could but he was in the car seat for three days straight. He would get a little fussy when he was hungry but overall, he just slept and played all by himself. We rented a 2 bedroom apartment in Phoenix and the plan was for Maddy to have his own room (and his own bed). But I’m a pushover and decided that it was too much change for him (and me) at once. I figured once he gets used to the new place and isn’t eating as much at night, I will move him to the other bedroom.

Baby's First Christmas

Maddy got so many toys and fun things for Christmas. He got a really cute talking Teddy Bear (a LeapFrog Scout) from Grandma and Grandpa Diaz. We programmed it so it says his name and it is so adorable. Maddy seems to really like it. Also, he got a play mat with a piano and a toy arch from Grandma and Grandpa Morrill which he loves to. He can kick the piano or he can also sit up with it. He got a ton of other toys and some new clothes. It was a great first Christmas!