Maddox turned 3. Every time I think of that I get teary-eyed and I picture Maddox as a newborn in the hospital. He is my best friend. We spend every day and all day together. He sees me at my worst and he still loves me. He forgives me when I lose my temper and I am still his primary source of comfort. He is becoming a big boy right before my eyes but he is still very tender and affectionate. He asks to snuggle me several times throughout the day and after nap time. He still gives me kisses and hugs regularly and he now says, "Love you, Mama" which completely melts my heart. Maddox is the sweetest little boy I have ever met. He has been speaking so much more now and the more he says the more we are able to see inside and get to know his cute little personality. He is a very silly little boy and has a great sense of humor. He loves to dance and loves music. Maddox is a typical boy and loves all things cars, trains, trucks, sports, etc. He is very active and has a ton of energy. He still sleeps on his bedroom floor at night but is gradually moving further away which I am taking as a good thing since further away means closer to the bed. He is still a picky eater and now does not eat hot dogs. He will eat corn dogs but not hot dogs. So his dinner options are slim and consist of a quesadilla with Taco Bell hot sauce or mac n cheese or what I have cooked for me and Allan. Sometimes, he doesn't eat dinner. And after many battles and research, I am okay with that. Almost every day, I tell Maddox, "You don't have to eat it." That's my new motto and it is very liberating. I give Maddox options and if he doesn't want any of them or doesn't want to eat then that's okay. He will survive and so will I. However, the most frustrating thing in the world to me recently is when I make him what he wants and he takes one bite and doesn't want it anymore or thinks it's gross. Ugh!!!! But I am working on remembering that it is only food and wasting a little bit of food now is better than traumatizing him into eating everything put in front of him for years to come. Wow... who knew being a mom was so hard? And honestly, that is what I am realizing. I thought it was easy when I just had one and when Maddox was just a baby. But I am learning that this motherhood thing is serious work and I feel a lot of pressure every day to be better. And unfortunately for Maddox, he is my little monkey test subject in this big experiment of me becoming a parent. I love him so much and I feel so bad after I yell at him or hurt him in any way. He always runs back into my arms so readily and is so forgiving. That is his best quality. He sees the best in people and when they let him down, he forgives so willingly. I am so proud of who he is. I know he was born with a big heart and I am grateful that I get to be his mommy forever.
