A new mom to Jaxon

We have been so busy and I feel like the first couple months of Jaxon's life have flown by.  I want to start with him...my little angel.  Jaxon is a very particular baby.  I call him my bipolar baby because he goes from being extremely angry and screaming at the top of his lungs to smiling and cooing within seconds.  From early on he has shown us his temper.  He gets very angry if he is not being held and has his "mad cry".  He also is acutely aware of my presence and absence and cries when I leave his line of sight.  Jaxy always follows me around the room with his eyes.  I love it but it also makes getting things done difficult.  I have the found the swing and the carrier to be very useful with Jaxon.  With Maddox, I could put him down and lay him anywhere and he would be content.  But Jaxon will only sleep if he is being held or in the swing.  After buying batteries weekly to keep the swing functioning, we finally bought rechargeable batteries and they have been a lifesaver.  Whenever I leave the house I take the carrier with me.  Jaxon doesn't like his car seat either so I find it easier to attach him to me in the carrier.  I actually love it.  It's like I'm holding him but I can use my arms and hands.  He almost always falls asleep with his face buried in my chest.  I am so in love with him.  He just craves human touch.  And he really is so easy to please.  He stops crying almost immediately after I pick him up.  I have predicted that Jaxon is going to be really intelligent.  He is very vocal when cooing at me and it really seems like he is trying to talk to me.  And he does it every time I am nursing him.  He tries to talk to me and smiles when I talk back.  Jaxon loves to nurse and is super chubby!  He has a very round face and head and so his cheeks have gotten really chubby.  At his 2 month check-up he was pretty average though.  He was right around 65th percentile in height and weight.  But everyone always comments on how chubby he is.  Jaxon adores Maddox.  He instantly smiles when he sees him and loves watching Maddox run around.  It melts my heart to see my two little babies love each other so much.  My dream would be for them to be best friends.  Maddox has accidentally hurt Jaxon a couple of times but Jaxon is one tough baby.  My favorite moments have been in the mornings when Maddox has come into our bed and Jaxon is just waking up and we are all together snuggling.  Jaxy is always so happy in the mornings and stretches his chubby little arms above his head and gives me huge smiles.  Jaxon is such a good sleeper.  He sleeps in his swing every night from about 9 until 11 and then I move him into his crib.  He usually sleeps until about 2 but sometimes longer and then wakes up to nurse.  At that point he stays in bed with me.  There have been some nights where he nurses all night and other nights where he only nurses once.  But overall, as long as I am next to him, he sleeps like a log.  Jaxon also loves his baths.  He loves the warm water and it is the one time he is completely relaxed and still.  If I had to describe Jaxon, I would say he is restless, particular and beautiful and sensitive. I am so grateful for the baby he is.  It has been a completely different experience from having Maddox as a newborn but I love having a brand new experience and learning how to be a mother to a different child.  That really is the surprise of adjusting to two.  I am like a new mom all over again because they are so different.  But I love their differences and they are still so much alike.  Jaxon has truly brought so much joy into our family and I am so grateful to have been entrusted with such a precious angel.  He needs me so much and relies on me for everything.  I think I forgot what that was like and it took me a couple months to appreciate it but now, I am so happy and feel like I am so blessed to have another little angel.

Jaxon's Birth Story (by Dad)

Jaxon's Birth Story (by Mom)

I thought I knew what to expect and how I would feel upon having my second child.  After all, I had done this once before.  I was experienced.  However, Jaxon decided to surprise me in more ways than one.  Jaxon was born at 5:56 PM via c-section.  His birth had been delayed on more than one occasion and the surgery proved to be longer than anticipated.  After 26 minutes of pulling, tugging, a lot of pressure and pain, Jax finally made his appearance.  Right before he was born, I felt the most intense pain I had ever felt in my life and the moment he was born, I felt the most relief I had ever felt in my life.  After the doctors pulled him out, immediately, they lifted him above the curtain.  While in that moment of sweet relief, I saw my son for the first time.  The tears came pouring out of my eyes and I was completely overwhelmed with emotion.  Jax was this little angel above me.  The vision of him completely erased my memory of the bitterness of the pain I had just experienced and filled my heart with joy and gratitude.  Of course, I was grateful the pain had subsided but more than that, I was grateful for the miracle that is procreation.  Unlike Maddox's birth, this time, I was fully aware of what Jaxon would mean to us and how much love we would feel for him.  I understood that he would be an eternal part of me and our family.  The moment I held him in my arms and kissed him for the first time, I would feel that fierce, unconditional love for him that only a mother can feel.  Jax came out with a head full of dark hair and beautiful, dark eyes.  He did not turn out to be the huge 10-pound-baby the doctor predicted he would be.  But he was a little clone of Allan and Maddox exactly as I had predicted.  He was perfect in every way.  He was a peaceful baby and only cried when he was hungry.  He ate well, slept well and won over the hearts of the whole family including his big brother's.  Jax has taught me so much.  Namely, my heart is big enough for two children, I should be careful what I wish for (I had wanted to experience "the natural way" of having a baby and sure enough, I got a taste- pain.) and life does not always follow my plan.  And that's okay because Heavenly Father's plan is way better than mine.  I will be forever grateful for the little angel we were blessed with on August 13th- Jaxon Ray.  He has made our family complete.  

Welcome Jaxon Ray Draper!

Jaxon Ray Draper was born on Wednesday, August 13th at 5:56 PM via scheduled c-section.  He weighed 8 lbs 2 oz and measured 18 1/2 inches (with legs bent) and 21 inches at the doctor's office a couple days later.  We are so happy to welcome him to the family.  Our hearts are full of love and gratitude for a healthy, beautiful baby boy.

2 year old photo shoot

18 Month old pics

Almost 2...

So Maddox will be two in just over a month.  It's very hard to believe but he is definitely showing signs of the "terrible twos."  Tantrums have become a little more frequent and more dramatic but luckily, they are still pretty short-lived.  And Maddox is still a softy for cuddles and hugs and kisses.  After he gets his cries out and finishes with his tantrum, he comes to me to be held and snuggled.  I am so glad he hasn't learned how to be angry with me or blame me for why he can't always have what he wants.  I am treasuring the moments that he lets me hold him, kiss him and cuddle him because any day now he could just decide that he is a big boy.  But a part of me believes he will always be affectionate.  It seems to be in his nature.
Maddox is still very energetic and constantly running away to explore and get as far as he can before he is caught.  He has become a fast little runner.  His speech has progressed and he has been learning new words.  He now says "bye-bye" and "mine" and "uh-oh" is still his most frequently used word as he says it anytime he gets into something he's not supposed to or any time I turn off the TV which has encouraged me to watch less TV since he seems to think something is wrong if it's not on.  Maddox spends most of his nights sleeping on the floor by the door and has been very stubborn about sleeping in his own bed.  I feel really bad for him and hate that he is sleeping on the floor but Allan reminds me that if it was uncomfortable he would move. But Allan is also a little bias because he spent some of his childhood with out a bed and had to sleep on the floor.  I don't know what else I can do.  I put him to bed and as soon as I walk out he gets out of bed and runs to the door.  Then, I wait about an hour until he is asleep and I move him to his bed.  But every morning I find him back by the door.  I'm hoping he will grow out of it.
Maddox got to visit his cousins in Idaho for a couple weeks and loved his time there.  All of his cousins were so sweet with him.  Maddox was introduced to toy guns, fishing, boating and motorized toy tractors and jeeps.  He fell in love!  We had to pry him from the steering wheels each time as he fought to stay on kicking and screaming.
Overall, Maddox is a very good boy and is learning how to listen and how to be a good helper.  He loves helping me load the dishwasher and pour in the soap and turn it on.  He loves helping me bake cookies, pancakes and brownies.  And he loves getting himself dressed.  In fact, he refuses to let me help him get dressed until after an hour of him getting his head stuck in the arm hole, I insist on helping.
Maddox has become very attached to his Daddy and wants to do everything Daddy does.  He loves putting on Allan's tennis shoes and doing exercises with Allan.  Allan has been doing a program called P90X and Maddox has learned several yoga poses and how to use a push-up bar.  Maddox is also obsessed with sports especially baseball but he loves basketball too.  Every time we see a basketball or a hoop, he wants us to lift him up so he can throw the ball in.  Maddox is very technologically savvy and is able to easily navigate an iPhone and iPad.  He especially loves the camera app and loves taking pictures of random things around the house like the ceiling fan and the couch.
These past few months, I have been trying to accept that our lives are going to change drastically when the new baby arrives.  I know that my love for Maddox will not change but our relationship will.  I am hoping that I can balance both of my babies' needs and that Maddox won't feel abandoned or unloved.  This is my biggest fear.  At the same time, I want to give the new baby just as much attention and love as I gave Maddox.  I held Maddox all day when he was baby and he slept by my side every night.  I don't want Maddox to feel excluded and I want to spend our days snuggling and playing just as we do now.  I'm sure I will figure it out but becoming a mother of two is going to be a challenge.  I just hope Maddox stays patient with me and loves me through the process.